My lack of knowledge about Alzheimer’s led me to the Association’s WEB page, where I learned about the seven stages of Alzheimer’s, the characteristics of each stage, and helpful information about caring for a person with the disease. Some people with Alzheimer’s turn belligerent and physically aggressive which can be dangerous for the caregiver, especially in the case of a woman caring for a strong male. In those cases, a nursing home with workers capable of handling such an individual is a practical solution.
In 2013, the year of Judy’s diagnosis, 5.2 million people in the United States were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, with upwards of 400,000 new cases expected in the following year. As our population ages, the number of Alzheimer’s cases will increase unless new medications to cure the disease prove effective.
On Amazon, I found seven memoirs, each written by a spouse who had traveled this same journey before me. Six of these memoirists put their loved one in an institution for their final two years, obviating sharing any details of the final stages. One memoir written by a nurse who cared for her husband at home until the end, presented medically helpful information, but the author deliberately chose to omit details of the final phase. Also, none of these memoirs discussed the episodic scenarios and events that I looked for. My thoughts at the time were, Alzheimer’s is not a new disease; this information should be available somewhere.
I later found in the book, Mayo Clinic on Alzheimer’s Disease and other dementias the information I needed to form a foundation for a better understanding of how this disease affected a brain with this disease.
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On Thursday afternoon two weeks after Judy’s diagnosis, I went to the golf driving range to practice with my driver and noticed a man about my age sitting on a metal fold-up chair with slumped shoulders and dark circles under both eyes who was watching me.
“Come here often?” he asked.
“Three, four times a week.” I sensed that he wanted to talk and pulled a chair up closer to him.
“I come on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” he said. “Those are the days I can get away.”
“Still working?”
“Retired. My wife has Alzheimer’s. My son comes to help out on Tuesdays and my daughter on Thursdays.” He hesitated for a moment. “I come here to get away from it all.
“My wife has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. When Kate was diagnosed, we knew we had a few good years ahead of us, so we created a bucket list of places we wanted to visit and things we wanted to do while she was still able. It took a few years, but we made it through the list. I’m glad we did because now she can’t travel.”
What a great idea, I thought. I recalled once going through Savannah and Judy asking to stop to see the sights, but so anxious was I to get back home, I drove straight through the old city without stopping.
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That evening after dinner, I asked Judy, “Are there places you want to see or things you want to do, you know, things we missed along the way because of work? We can make a list and do all of those things while we’re both still able.”
“Do I look unhappy? We have one of our children living in Northern Virginia with four grandchildren just a few miles away and you’re home every evening. What more could I ask for?”
She had forgotten about wanting to visit old town Savannah on one of our trips and all the other places she had wanted to see, and we couldn’t get away to see them. I felt bad, but I couldn’t change the past.