Why this blog?
Caregiving
An Over-the-Shoulder View of Caring for a Loved One Through the Seven Stages of Alzheimer’s
A Love Story
By Paul Bourgeois
Why I Wrote This Memoir
Yes, my Judy is gone, and I still grieve her loss with sadness. Watching a once so vibrant, self-reliant, and lovely woman struggling through what normally were routine daily activities pulled at my heartstrings, but we survived those days together. After her diagnosis, I pledged to myself to make her journey as peaceful and painless as possible until the end, but that end would be her death, nonetheless, after seven and a half years. Poignant images of her last days still linger, but memories of our lives together now overshadow her passing.
Immediately after her diagnosis, I searched for information that would help me prepare for what lay ahead. The Alzheimer’s Association’s webpage (alz.org) provided information about the physiology of the disease, the characteristics of each of its seven stages, and resources available to help provide care, but that’s not what I was looking for. I felt a need for the view looking over the shoulder of someone traveling this journey before me to anticipate what to expect so I could come up with better solutions.
Having failed to find this view of someone else’s journey through Alzheimer’s, I read seven memoirs written by other caregivers, each with a unique personal story to tell. Six of these caregivers placed their loved one in assisted living or a nursing home for the final two years; that’s when the real challenges begin.
As a contrast, my memoir details events on our journey through Alzheimer’s with each scene positioned within its respective stage of the disease. Reflections on this experience illustrate how they impacted our lives and the lives of our children, grandchildren, and friends. I tell about the mistakes I made with possible alternative approaches to help the new caregiver develop the tools to deal with what lies ahead. This over-the-shoulder view should help a new caregiver anticipate similar situations and how to best prepare to meet them.
My top-level definitions at the beginning of each stage, taken from the Mayo Clinic book Mayo Clinic on Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias,present a helpful roadmap to the new caregiver. Due to the unique aspect of the disease for each person with Alzheimer’s, the timing of specific events that I present may not reflect the specific stage for that same event or similar events during another’s journey.
Since Judy’s and my love relationship played such a significant role in our journey together in ameliorating the unpleasantness we faced in the latter stages of this journey, I begin this memoir with a prologue to illustrate the origins of that bond.
Published version of Memoir will be available in January 2026 on: Booklocker.com, Amazon, et alli.